Stress of Command

Posted on Sat Apr 2nd, 2011 @ 1:16am by Captain Benjamin Byrne & Sarah Byrne [PNPC]

Mission: Kingdom Come
Location: Captain's Quarters
Timeline: MD01 2309hrs

As the dark red doors of his quarters hissed quietly shut behind him, Benjamin shrugged off the jacket of his uniform, and tossed it hap-hazardly to the side, watching it in the corner of his eye as it landed on one of the dining chairs, off towards the corner of the room. Though his shoulders felt heavy, he made a conscious effort to keep his footsteps light as he trod across the carpeted deckplates before practically dropping himself down onto the sofa which rested underneath and away from the large windows, looking out at the space around the ship, which was notably busy tonight, owing to their proximity to the Starbase. Feeling his eyes close of their own volition, he let his body simply sag into the seating, until he felt the pressure of a pair of hands on the back of his shoulders.

"Tough day?" Sarah (NPC) asked, as she began to rub her husband's shoulders, pressing in with her thumbs against the knots of muscles that had formed, noting just how rigid his muscles felt.

"You could say that," Benjamin replied, keeping his eyes closed as his shoulders were massaged. It had become a ritual of theirs, that whenever he went through a day where he felt exhausted through stress afterwards, he would simply sit on the couch, and she would attempt to massage the stress out of him. He often reflected that it was these little moments of regularity, of unspoken routine that did not feel tiresome or bland, that helped keep on focused, despite the stresses that he had long ago learnt command came with. He was having to learn quickly however, that a large and multi-mission profile starship like the Sovereign was a whole different ball game when compared with command of a scientific Nova class.

"I had to send off the letters today," he explained, thinking back to the task that had seemed to take hours. In truth, he had been writing as many of the letters as he could on their trip back to starbase, whenever time allowed, or asking officers who were closer to the person in question to write a little something about them. Still, informing any family that their son, daughter, husband or wife had been killed during the course of their duty was never something that a commander could get used to, nor truly get over. Especially not when the numbers reached into the double-figures. "It just seems so heartless, that they have to hear of it from me, a man they have never met, through a simple letter. I should be telling them face-to-face, not by sending out a letter."

"You know that you can't go and meet every family, Ben," Sarah reasoned. "I know it isn't the most compassionate way to give the news, but honestly, if it were me, I'd rather find out in a letter within a week, then have to go without hearing from you for months for someone to turn up on my doorstep to tell me the news. Besides," she said, continuing in an attempt to change the subject. "It can't all have been a bad day." Of course, she'd known beforehand of his plans to promote both Chief and Ensign - now Commander and Lieutenant, respectively - Ballard and Jenarian, as his excitement had built towards the point of actually surprising the two officers.

That thought of his own death reminded Byrne of the frustration he had felt at their recent troubles though. Not being able to contact his family, not knowing if they were safe onboard his own ship, where they even were: Worse, knowing that he couldn't leave his officers to fend for themselves while he went to look after his family. Starfleet always seemed and people often felt as if their shipmates were their family, especially those who had noone particularly close to them anymore; and perhaps the majority of the New York crew had felt in many ways to Benjamin as if they were his family. But he knew, deep in his heart, that his true family; Sarah and Jacob - they took pride of place there. In his head, he knew that Starfleet duty required him to place the crew of his ship first and foremost. It was a battle he had a feeling he would repeat with himself many times in the years to come. Not for the first time he considered requesting a transfer to another command - another Nova class perhaps, or even one of the new Luna class vessels. That thought was quenched quickly, though. He knew that the Endeavour was one of the best commands he was ever likely to be given, and that Starfleet had put a lot of trust in him when it gave him command of the seven hundred souls onboard.

"I know," he replied, eventually, reaching across his body with one arm to clutch her hand in his. "It's just difficult. I know that there was nothing I could have done to save those lives, and even if there was, there is nothing I can do about it now. But in the end, those people were under my command. Their lives my responsibility, and mine alone." He let out a deep sigh. "It is a hard thing to live with."

Sarah leant down and kissed his cheek softly after a few moments silence between them. "Come on," she said. "Staying up and dwelling on it isn't going to do you any good. Get some sleep; you'll feel better in the morning."

Benjamin smiled as he turned his head towards hers and pressed their lips together briefly. "In the morning..." he paused, letting a short blast of air out through his nostrils in a dry laugh. "In the morning I have to make arrangements for picking up a bunch of diplomats!" His tone had become more jovial, as clearly evidenced by the smile on his face.

"Well I'm sure you don't want to dwell on that, either," Sarah responded, smiling herself now, as she released his shoulders and padded her way barefoot into their bedroom. Letting out another sigh - this one less filled with stress and more relaxed - Benjamin kicked off his boots, and stood to follow her. He'd recycle his uniform in the morning, when he was sure not to wake Jake.

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Captain Benjamin J. Byrne
Commanding Officer

&

Sarah Byrne (NPC)
Captain's Wife